18
May
10

The entry I swore I’d never write. It is complete bullshit that i even have to say this. Regretfully yours….

I would like to begin, with an apology.

I apologize, in advance, for this post.

Given the fact that this blog is young yet, I am not foolish enough to state, plaintively, things that it will never address; things that it will never cover. I am fully aware of the potential, and indeed, likelihood, of writing dry spells.

For instance, I would love to say that I will never comment on celebrity comings and goings—those people are already famous. Fuck them. I’m a hater.

But I might.

I would love to say that I will never discuss my own personal politics. In my view, if opinions are like assholes (as the saying goes), political opinions are the dingleberryest of them all.

But I might.

But I will say this.

And mean it.

And own it.

I am going to address something, briefly, today, and it will NEVER be seen or read about on this space, again.

And I am coming from a place motivated by my disappointment in the recent postings of one of my favorite bloggers—my premiere internet crush.

So here goes—like it or lump it—

(I hardly give a damn as it will never be seen or heard from me on this space again either way.)

STOP FUCKING TALKING ABOUT THIS BLACK WOMAN DATING CRISIS.

PLEASE.

SHUT-THE-FUCK-UP about it.

SERIOUSLY.

QUIT.

Stop it.

There is NOT a dating crisis. There is NOT a marriage crisis.

The reality of the situation is far, far worse than either of those two concepts can ever comprehend.

The true situation is way more fucked up.

There is, in fact, a PERSPECTIVE crisis. Got it?

Of like, EPIC proportions.

There is a nationwide, motherfucking pandemic surrounding the malnourishment, starvation, and disease infestation of our collective perspective.

Black women—you can get a man, okay?

You can get a man. You can get a black one. You can get a black one that is educated, and employed and good to you. You can even get one that’s none of those things if you so choose.

Know what else you can get? A white man. You can get one that is educated, and employed, and good to you.  You can even get one that’s none of those things if you so choose.

Know what you can also get? And I must profess, this one is nearest and dearest to my heart—

You can get passionately, thoroughly, deliberately, and wantonly fucked to Kingdom Come (literally) while you are trying to make up your mind between the two.

Anybody who tells you that you can’t—and I will definitively say this irrespective of how it comes off—ANYONE who tells you that you cannot—any statistical data, any blogger, any pastor, any radio personality, even your own mother—

ANYONE who tells you otherwise—

Is a mother-fucking-lie.

NOT a “liar.”

I took it there.

Good, southern, and black fo’ dat ass.

Anyone who tells you that you can’t have these things is a mother.fucking.lie.

Don’t believe me?

Let me tell you how I know.

On my BEST day—

Are you listening, bitches?

On my BEST day—

Like, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, all the lights on the roadways are green—

I am a strong

SEVEN.

On my BEST day.

I am short, black. No real hair to speak of. Sassy in the mouth, wide in the ass. And I have two little raggedy ass dogs that I take wherever I go.

Yet, I have miraculously convinced some of the best men I’ve ever known to fall in love with me; to want to be with me. I’ve even taken a few of them up on their offers and loved them back.

Me.

Janky ass ole me.

(I mean, I could get it. Don’t get me wrong. I’d definitely get it. But ain’t nobody gonna break through traffic trying to give it to me.)

And believe me—believe me when I tell you, as I come from a place of truth and reflection, and not modesty (as I have no talent for it), the ONLY thing special about me at all; the only thing that sets me apart from the ravenous, wedding hungry, WE-Channel watching devotees in this city is my constant state of being un-pressed.

I could give a damn about matrimony or andbabymakes3.

Listen.

There is no shame in having an ideal; of having an expectation of a life, or a dream.

But the reality is, that if you simply chill for a moment, and breathe—if you stop searching for something in nothing—

If you ignore your friends in their seemingly blissfully happy marriages and relationships and simply focus on this isolated moment in time that you have to be free; to be unencumbered by children, a man, or obligations greater than yourself—you will realize how truly lucky you are.

Love is a many splendored thing, yes. But is also a laborious thing.

That man and that relationship that you will work so hard to get, will necessitate double the effort to maintain and keep.

I worry that there is this movement afoot to convince us that we need to be married and that we need to rush and that the chances of us getting married are slim so we better buckle down and hustle. I don’t know who sparked it off, but I tell you who is not perpetuating it: married people.

Because they know the shit that everyone else isn’t saying. Marriage, and indeed, serious relationships, are a marathon, not a sprint.

They are absolutely and unequivocally a marathon.

And know what?

I.don’t.like.to.run.

Don’t you want to walk for a bit?

There’s no shame in a brisk walk.

I, personally, enjoy walking with two or three people.

Sometimes even at the same time.

(Okay that last part was probably a joke).

The point is, there are plenty of men out there.

And there’s not just one good man out there for you. There are ten or twelve within a two mile radius of where you’re standing this very second. Maybe you can’t see them (two miles is actually quite a bit of fucking space), but they’re there.

And they will be there, whether you’re 25, or 35, or 45.

You have an infinite amount of time to boo up and settle down. Trust me.

Put Steve Harvey on mute, tell the statisticians to go fuck themselves, give your mother an endearing frontal lobe kiss and then walk away.

And then come out and meet me for some DRANKS, bitches!!

We’re fittin’ to get fuuuuuuuuuuucked up and make some HORRIBLE decisions like only a bunch of hard-living 7s can.

*sigh*

Okay, okay…..

8s and up can come too.


34 Responses to “The entry I swore I’d never write. It is complete bullshit that i even have to say this. Regretfully yours….”


  1. 1 Diane
    May 18, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    Yes mam. YES MAM.

  2. 3 sourpatchkid
    May 18, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    maaaan, i loved the truth and honesty in this post. for reals. just like you–i get overly sick and tired of reading/seeing/hearing about this “crisis” from my male and female peers and from steve harvey and the steve harvey wanna-be’s. i truly feel it becomes this self-fulfilling prophecy for women (and men) who are forcing themselves to believe this specific thing must happen in this specific way on this specific day with this specific person–and if it doesn’t, then your whole world is fucked. it’s silly. everyone just needs to stop playing captain-save-a-hoe (and by hoe, i’m not trying to call black women, like myself, hoes–i just happen to love this phrase) and just live and let live. we’ll all find happiness, if we haven’t already found it, in some form or another.

    another kick-ass post, as usual, fooler.

  3. 4 KrispusAttix
    May 18, 2010 at 6:58 pm

    I loves me some 7s. Lawwwwd have mercy I do.

    That there is a better-than-average girl…a true gift..and y’all are the ones that can be nasty, and we don’t have to equate you with bein the late night creep or just a jump-off. Where a dude can still roll through the city with you and not have to hear it from his family or the fellas, or the barbershop “What kinda Jabberwocky reincarnate do you think you runnin the streets with, I know you ain’t beatin that up, son….tell me you not beatin that up?’

    Having a 7 means you don’t have to talk about how nice her smile is or how she keeps her Girl-stache from gettin’ outta control in order to throw the sent off of the dogs.

    On the flip side….8 or better…generally don’t have much of a head-game and you almost need to have some Novels on the ready to take yourself away from the narcissism that would be sure to ensue.

    Ahhh 7s – loves them, I do!

  4. May 18, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    How much do I love your blog already and this is the only post I’ve read so far. Thank you doesn’t seem to repay the beauty of this gift, but that’s all I have.

    I will be back, excuse me….I’ve got some reading to do!

  5. 6 Saranah
    May 18, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    I don’t know how to put into words just how much I agree with you. So I will just say Ditto and leave it at that… and share this blog with my 435 facebook friends out of whom only about 2 will actually click and look at it and those are the two who introduced me to you/your blog. Maybe I can get this put on a t-shirt.

  6. 7 Kiki
    May 18, 2010 at 7:44 pm

    Truth is black women and men haven’t been equal in numbers since the 1840’s, and there are always more women in the world than there are men period regardless of race or culture. People have been loving and doing their thing for several years since and all this ain’t nothing new. Personally do what you do and define your courtship, dating and marriage by your own rules and in your own time. My whole issue with this “crisis” business is that there is a general assumption that all Black women want to get married by 30, all of them want kids, perhaps in that same time frame, and that all of them want it with a Black man. Or even more so that all women want to be in a relationship all of the time. I think its a tad generalized and might I say ridiculous. For most women, society and(shh…don’t tell nobody) patriarchy suggests that there is this pressure to live life and to love in one acceptable cookie cutter 2.5 kids and a dog way. Whatever. Women who are free, with no ties, that are able to move about as she pleases and god forbid smart and a beautiful 7’s on a regular day are absolutely and unequivocally dangerous!

  7. May 18, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    you drop a lot of knowledge on your blog. a lot of it is laced in comedy which gives it a refreshing perspective but i know a lot of women who really need to read this. matter of fact let me tweet this link.

  8. 9 Jiro
    May 18, 2010 at 8:29 pm

    Common goddamn sense. Thank you.

  9. 10 Etal
    May 18, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    Great post… I’m so sick and tired of hearing females whine and complain about this topic. It’s boring. If shorties relaxed with the “ticking biological clock” nonsense they would be infinitely more successful.

  10. 11 APG
    May 18, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    I swear you are my alter ego…I’ve been saying this forever! Whenever this topic is brought up, I tune out. It’s the most ridiculous, piece of trash being pushed…happy to hear I’m not alone!

  11. 12 BarristerBelle
    May 18, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    NICE. Great GREAT post, Fooler.

  12. May 18, 2010 at 10:20 pm

    I shall say once again what I pretty much always say about your posts,fooler. ON POINT!
    And Ditto Madscientist7.

  13. 14 hanabee
    May 18, 2010 at 11:38 pm

    I am seriously tweeting this link! I would like to add that I think this “crisis” is a conspiracy to try to keep the competition in the kitchen. I mean what other demographic is taking the most advantage out of second wave feminism/womanism better than black women in america?? None. And once we are done getting our drink and f*ck on, we go on to marriage (effortlessly) add w/children (fabulously) and manage that sh*t along w/careers fantabulously. They need to stop sweating us. 2 thumbs up for this one Fooler!

  14. May 19, 2010 at 3:54 am

    That was A great blog. I know you will never talk about it again, but you really did it justice.

    Cudos

    Fellow 7

  15. 16 Anonymous
    May 19, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    love it!!!!!

  16. 17 Anonymous
    May 19, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    p.s. i want to see pictures of the two dogs. please post. thanks.

  17. 18 anonymous
    May 19, 2010 at 1:40 pm

    you broke it down so it can forever and consistently be broke.

    cheers from another hard 7.

  18. May 19, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Hmm well I personally have written about the so-called “crisis” because I think it’s bullshit and Im sick of (being what some might call a “good man” based on the shallowest of attributes) people talking about Black men, specifically in mixed company, like we can’t take care of our own or need some kinda town hall meeting to get it together. Fuck Steve Harvey. While my own beliefs won’t let me say “fuck it just date white boys”, my approach is more “bitch, u aint all that yourself”. A fisherman(woman) is only as good as her best catch, so if you are pickin up duds it might be cuz your own shit stinks lol.

    S Shaw

    http://front-free.com

  19. May 19, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    Way to go 7. I appreciate your perspective – especially about our perspective problem. I too have been sick of hearing about Sisters not being able to find men. We have to have hope.
    Great post. Happy I found this blog. I’m adding you to my blog roll.

  20. 21 T-Bone
    May 19, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    I now unequivocally LOVE you! Thank you for stating what is frickin’ obvious to us sane Black women. Lawd have mercy!

  21. May 19, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    I’m writing this response again, I think I replied to someone elses comment…so excuse my blonde ambition. Anywho I’m a fashion blogger and I always direct people to wear what ever the hell they feel like wearing…and I feel you should choose your life partner in the same manner. Don’t let people direct your life when you are the author, the publisher, and creator. My best advice is know yourself and be “real” about what you bring to the table and you can find a partner in a flash. If you know you’re a slut in the bedroom and sex is a high priority don’t date a prude and vice versa….get to know you and you will surely find someone who loves you for you too.

  22. 23 Mr. SimplyComplex
    May 19, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    I applaud you for posting this. I could feel the passion when reading. I don’t really approve of the word bitch(es), but you got the point across. Keep up your enthusiasm!

  23. 24 DaRayne
    May 19, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    This was a great read

  24. 25 TonicSOS
    May 21, 2010 at 4:42 am

    Loved this entry. It applies to all women in D.C. Well said.

  25. May 25, 2010 at 10:48 pm

    Liked it. Loved it. Forwarded it. Quoting, “i.don’t.like.to.run.” Keep writing. Sell the book. Not only will I read it, I’ll see the movie in the theater and not on Netflix.

  26. May 27, 2010 at 3:16 am

    I think you’re my internet soulmate. Yes, homo.

  27. May 27, 2010 at 5:12 am

    U know what; that’s some real. I like ur style.

  28. 29 Timitra Martin
    May 27, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    And the church says, “A-men!”

  29. 30 Dtothep
    June 4, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    Woman, I think I love you.

    I’m gonna have to post this link on my fb page, and lose a few more friends. Actually, I may tattoo my favorite lines on my face (i.e. “Are you listening, bitches?”) and just jump in random people’s face and scream “READ IT!!!”.

    On point and brilliant, as usual.

  30. June 15, 2010 at 4:15 pm

    So true. There are good men all over the place. I meet ‘em all the time.

  31. 32 Tabreeze
    June 18, 2010 at 4:42 am

    RACE, ETHNICITY HEALTH CARE
    FACT SHEET
    Young African American Men in the United States

    The experiences of young African American men differ in many ways from those of young men of other racial and ethnic groups; and yet are similar in other respects. This fact sheet, based largely on information collected from government sources such as the U.S. Census, National Vital Statistics System, and national surveys, examines the experiences of young African American men in education, employment, and the criminal justice system. It also compares how they fare in health coverage and health status with that of young men of other racial/ethnic groups.

    SOCIODEMOGRAPHICS
    In 2004, there were 4.5 million African American men between the ages of 15 and 29 living in the United States, about 14% of all men in this age group.
    Fewer than 8% of young African American men have graduated from college compared to 17% of whites and 35% of Asians. Differences in income by educational level are well documented, as are racial and ethnic differences in income by educational level.1 People with more education tend to have higher incomes, but in 2002 at every educational level, African Americans with the same education made less than whites.

    Young African American men are more likely than Hispanics and American Indians to graduate from high school, but are less likely to graduate than whites and Asians (Fig. 2). Less than 45% of white, African American and Hispanic male high school graduates between the age of 16 and 24 are enrolled in college compared to 68% of young Asian high school graduates.2
    The unemployment rate for young African American men is over twice the rate for young white, Hispanic and Asian men (Fig. 3). In addition, fewer African American men between the ages of 16 and 29 are in the labor force compared to white, Hispanic and Asian men in the same age group. Over 20% of young African American men live in poverty compared to 18% of Hispanic, 12% of Asian and 10% of white men.

    African American men are disproportionately represented in the criminal justice system. The percentage of young African American men in prison is nearly three times that of Hispanic men and nearly seven times that of white men (Fig. 4). While African American men represent 14% of the population of young men in the U.S., they represent over 40% of the prison population.4 This figure does not include the number of young men on parole.

    HEALTH COVERAGE AND STATUS
    Nearly 4 out of 10 young African American men lack health insurance. The percentage of uninsured African American men, while higher than that of whites, is lower than that of Hispanics, American Indians and Native Hawaiians (Fig. 5). Young men, regardless of race or ethnicity, are more likely to be uninsured than any other age group. Health insurance is important to a person’s overall health. People without health insurance are more likely than those with health insurance to delay needed care, less likely to fill prescriptions, and more likely to be diagnosed at a later stage when they do finally seek care. They are also less likely to have a usual source of care.

    Young African American men die at a rate that is at least 1.5 times the rate of young white and Hispanic men, and almost three times the rate of young Asian men (Fig. 6). While the death rate drops for men ages 25 to 29 for most groups, it continues to rise among African Americans.

    The leading causes of death for all young men ages 15-29, regardless of race or ethnicity, are unintentional injury (e.g. car accident, firearm, or drowning), suicide, and homicide. For young African American men, more deaths are caused by homicide than any other cause. Additionally, HIV is the sixth leading cause of death for young African American and Hispanic men, yet for other racial groups, HIV is not among the top 10 causes of death.

    The homicide death rate for young African American men is three times the rate for Hispanics, the population group with the next highest homicide mortality rate (Fig. 7). Although the rate declines for older African American men, death rates for homicide among African American men ages 25-44 are still 3 times that of Hispanics and American Indians of that age group. Homicide rates also are higher than the HIV death rate for African American men ages 25-44.

    The higher death rates experienced by young African American men mask some of their healthier behaviors. For example, African American men between the ages of 18 and 24 are less likely than white men to be current cigarette smokers (21% vs. 33 %), a major risk factor for lung cancer.

    CONCLUSIONS
    The 4.5 million African American men ages 15 to 29 represent 14% of the U.S. male population of that age and 12% of all African Americans in the U.S. Their high rates of death, incarceration, and unemployment, and relatively low levels of college graduation rates raise concerns for African American families and the nation’s economy. The contribution of social factors to the health problems of young African American men deserves further attention than thus far received. By documenting the extent of the problem and by examining the factors associated with the lives of young African American men who avoid problems and lead successful lives, policymakers will be better equipped to develop and implement solutions.
    Sources
    1. Stoops, N. Educational Attainment in the United States: 2003. Current Population Reports. June 2004.
    2. Table 13. Enrollment Status of Recent High School Graduates 16 to 24 Years Old. U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Survey, October 2004. Accessed July 6, 2006. URL: http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/school/cps2004.html
    3. U.S. Census Bureau Current Population Survey, Annual Social and Economic Supplement, 2005. Accessed July 6, 2006. URL: http://www.census.gov/hhes/www/cpstc/cps_table_creator.html
    4. Harrison PM and Beck AJ. Prisoners in 2004. Bureau of Justice Statistics Bulletin. October 2005.
    5. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Web-based Injury Statistics Query and Reporting System (WISQARS) [online]. (2005) [cited July 3, 2006]. Available from URL: http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/wisqars
    6. Table 65. Heath, United States 2005. National Center for Health Statistics.
    Additional copies of this publication (#7541) are available on the Kaiser Family Foundation’s website at http://www.kff.org.

  32. 33 Donn
    November 8, 2010 at 5:14 pm

    Above: lies, damnlies, and statistics.

    Above that: needed.

    Great post. If you think there are no good men/women and “the job market” sucks, end your life, now. Otherwise: try living.

  33. December 12, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    Love you for this blog…I have been saying this shit for a long time. Never had a prob getting a date and on a GOOD day, I am a 6 or a 7 with a large ass (that helps). Just saying though. This is the gospel right here.


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