17
Jan
12

the unfunny post to women. and i’ll talk and you won’t listen. but for what it’s worth: keep your heart, 3 stacks.

When I was 18 years old, I fell in love for the very first time.

His name was ________   __________ and he was amazing. Tall, dark-skinned, slight of frame, beard. The most beautiful teeth I’d ever seen.

I can still tell you where I was the first time I saw him.  I was new to campus, and desperately in need of black friends. I was sitting cross legged on the floor in the Student Union building during the course of a Black Student Alliance meeting. He entered 20 minutes late with his fraternity brothers, and I was floored.

He was darker than all of them, and taller, by a head. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a wifebeater. But over the wifebeater was an open, blue workman’s shirt; the kind a mechanic would wear. A wide-brimmed straw hat rested atop his head.

He was the first man I ever wanted that I was able to make my own.

Only, he wasn’t my own.

At all.

He’d made it very clear from the beginning that he didn’t want a girlfriend.

“No titles,” he’d said. And I’d agreed.

And we hung out, messed around, went out on dates, exchanged gifts, he met my parents. But he’d been clear. No titles.

Clear as mud.

When it became evident he had a whole other non-relationship, and a smattering of women around campus, AND off of it, I was heartbroken. And confused. When I’d confronted him about his indiscretions, he’d been as tolerant as he could before the shame of it all and realization of his position had his back to a wall. Unable to withstand the hurt in my voice and accusation in my eyes, he’d shouted, in anger, “DAMNIT! YOU ARE NOOOOOOOT MY GIRL!”

I will never forget that moment. As long as I live.

We grew and changed and our lives took us into different directions. We both matured into the adults we were meant to be, and he remains one of my best friends. And we laugh about it all, today. Well, I laugh. He’s still rather ashamed, and gets defensive.

But the fact of the matter is, no matter how much I love him, today, or how my life has changed, or how I barely recognize the girl I was at eighteen, those words, and the vehemence with which they were shouted, continue to haunt me.

I knew then, that was a lesson I’d learn one time, and one time only.

I’ve never had my heart broken again.

So my question, dear readers, becomes: Why are women still learning this lesson, today? Why are grown women paying taxes, getting bikini waxes, possessing expensive gym memberships making this mistake, today?

I’m going to stand on this working hypothesis:

When a man says he does not want to be in a relationship with you, he never will.

The end.

When a man says he does not want to be in a relationship with you, he never will.

I know no one wants to hear it. I know life changes. Circumstances change. People change their minds.

He won’t.

I’m trying to save you some time, here.

He won’t.

Oh. He might change his mind about being in a relationship. Being with you and experiencing the creature comforts of boo-hood might certainly whet his palate in terms of being properly loved and cared for by a woman.

That woman just won’t be you.

Let’s examine it further.

When a man tells you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, he is stating straight out, point blank, that he doesn’t want you.

This is so powerful because it is entirely antithetical to how we’ve been led to believe they operate. This man doesn’t even want you enough to lie to you to convince you otherwise; he doesn’t even have the time to blow smoke up your ass. He is going to tell you something he knows you don’t want to hear, and risk the chance that you will walk away. He won’t even try to sell you a dream.

Because it’s NEVER going to happen.

That’s how committed to that shit he is. He is willing to risk you WALKING AWAY rather than tell you something different. Because, he could take or leave you.

I suspect, at this juncture, many of you are in disagreement with me. You think that I’m making a broad, sweeping indictment of all non-title situations. I haven’t taken care to look in on each specific instance, and the motivators and driving factors that have led your particular breed of noncommittal man to his anti-relationship platform.

Maybe he just got out of a horrible relationship.

Maybe he just got divorced.

Maybe he’s been hurt before.

Maybe his parents never loved him so now he can’t properly process genuine affection.

That’s a bunch of bunk.

He likes sleeping with you, doesn’t he? He likes hanging around you, doesn’t he? He likes it when you cook for him, fold his drawes, and pick up brews for he and his trifling friends, doesn’t he?

That’s RELATIONSHIP SHIT.

AND HE LOOOOOOOOOOOOVES it.

What he DOESN’T love is being accountable to you. He doesn’t love being a conservator of your feelings and emotions; taking them into account and letting them influence his course of action. He doesn’t love having to come home only to you without the freedom of flirting with or sleeping with other broads.

But, that’s really neither here nor there.

The POINT is, whatever reasons he’s offered you are crap, but even if they weren’t (which, they are), they’re inconsequential. The POINT is, he has already TOLD you that he doesn’t want you for anything serious. If you want something serious, you need to get a move on.

And this isn’t a reason to be unhappy. It may be disappointing, yes, but be of good cheer.

This situation is one of the only times in life that a person will look you in the eye and tell you, outright, that if you stick around, he’s going to screw you over. This is one of the only times in the course of your entire adulthood when someone is going to tell you he has no good intentions where your heart is concerned; that this is going exactly nowhere. This man is doing you a favor. You should be grateful.

But no. You don’t see that. You see a challenge. You think you’re gonna change this man’s mind.

Now, my friend, D, a PhD candidate, and chronic over-thinker, has rather wisely pointed out the fact that women are conditioned to think this way.

D says that society has taught us, since our birth, tales of our persistence being rewarded with success. Women, specifically, have been given tricks of the trade to keep a man happy –keep quiet, don’t be too argumentative, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”—that he might somehow suddenly realize how good he’s got it and find his way back to us, back to love.

D makes a good point. And I agree.

But I suspect there is something else at play.

Arrogance.

I know.

It’s a big word. And it stings. But it’s appropriate.

Arrogance.

Something is so great about you, and your love, and your sex, and your macaroni and cheese that you can overcome his relationship trepidation.

He hasn’t known love like yours. He hasn’t met a girl like you. What y’all have is different.

Bullshit.

This man has seen you. He has known you. He has kicked it with you and laughed with you, and knows enough about you to realize that he DOES want to spend time with you.

He knows your love and what it’s capable of juuuuuuuuust fine.

Trust that, in the weeks and months that y’all have been not-titled booed up, he has inventoried your character and your you.

And made a determination that he doesn’t want a relationship with either.

You know what men do when they are thinking about having a relationship with you? When they’re open to the option?  NOTHING.

They do NOTHING.

They keep their mouths shut, they scope out the situation, and they let the chips fall where they may. They watch as things are progressing, and if something blooms within their hearts, they come to you with an offer.

THAT’S what men do.

They don’t start out from the GATE with, “I don’t want to be in a relationship.”

Men who say this have a very distinct reason for doing so. And this is what women need to realize.

At some point, very long ago, before all of us were alive, men and women entered into a tacit agreement, whereby men were only responsible for their words. We were to take a man “at his word,” and punish him only when his actions belied those words; when he acted in opposition of them; when he failed to make them true.

This is controversial.

This is controversial because we all know that men in a no-title relationship BEHAVE the same way as men in titled relationships.

And these behaviors are what lead us to believe that change is possible; that they are warming to the idea of being with us.

They’re not, though.

They’re enjoying the moment. They’re enjoying the benefits of the boyfriend experience while remaining indemnified against poor-boyfriend liability.

All because of their initial disclaimer.

And it’s messed up and unfair.

But there’s a grace to it. There’s a comfort in words that people are bound to. There’s a safety there.

Because actions are subjective.

You see the intimacy of a spoon; its suggestion of long-term affection.

But that man just likes to hug.

You see the sweetness and tenderness of a frontal lobe kiss.

That man was just saying, “Hey.”

If you have found yourself on the wrong side of a failed non-titled relationship, before you rally like hell against this man for what he has led you to believe; before you call his job and key his car, and tell his friends he isn’t worth a damn, look at yourself.

Look at who you are.

Why are you okay with someone telling you he doesn’t want you?

Even if you both start out on noncommittal footing, if your feelings change, and his remain the same, why are you staying?

Why is it okay to be with someone whose mind you have to bring round to the idea of you?

That man who leads you on, he’s an asshole. Make no mistake about it. He knows what he’s doing.

And he’s dogged you out for sure.

But you’re the bigger asshole.

Because you dogged you out first.

A stranger, no matter how close you fancy him, doesn’t have any obligation to you. At all.

The only person charged with a duty to protect you and your well-being is you.

You are the only person accountable for you. You are the only person who can keep you from being hurt.

When a man tells me he doesn’t want to be with me, I take him at his word.

It very well might be the last good thing he says to me.


94 Responses to “the unfunny post to women. and i’ll talk and you won’t listen. but for what it’s worth: keep your heart, 3 stacks.”


  1. 1 Anonymous
    January 17, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    i am going to anonymously admit at 30 I needed to read this..i might even post it on my fridge!

    • 2 Anonymous
      January 17, 2012 at 7:09 pm

      Yes! I turned 30 in July and it hits home! Can’t say I’ve been the “one” who hasn’t taken heed, but I’ve been the one who doesn’t know when to walk away from the past!

  2. 3 Anonymous
    January 17, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    My GOD…if I had been in a place mentally to really embrace this concept earlier in my life. I have dated man after man after man who were clear about the non-relationship and it was like waving a red flag in front of a bull….I CHARGED….I could change them, they hadn’t experienced ME and all I was ever left with was a broken heart and a bruised ego. NEVER AGAIN. If you took offense to this post, I feel sorry for you. THIS IS THE TRUTH.. EMBRACE IT. I have and it feels GOOD to know I will never ever again give myself 100% to something that never was in the first place. It is FREEING to open yourself up to NORMAL people who are interested in getting to know you and are in a place where they are open to the possibility of a relationship with you. Its so much better than waiting for the other shoe to fall….because it will. It took me a while, but WHOOOO the freedom it brings to embrace this truth. READ IT. INTERNALIZE IT. AND THANK YOU FOOLER for telling it like it is.

  3. 4 Nik1908
    January 17, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    Truth hurts! I’ve been that woman before…and it was the first and last time…lesson learned…never again.

  4. 5 Smh
    January 17, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    Right now, I am this woman. I am this woman with a man I spent a lot of years with. We broke up and I feel it was a mistake but he has made it clear he doesn’t want a relationship right now. I don’t know why but I keep fighting it. He makes me feel guilty when I go live my own life. And when he lives his, I get angry. I feel…betrayed. Like he’s doing me wrong or cheating on me. But….HE IS NOT MINE. Just like I am not his. I call it subconscious emotional masochism. I gotta pray!

    • January 18, 2012 at 6:59 am

      It is in your best interest to walk away. It makes more since to live with the growing pains of separation knowing that in due time you will emerge in a better place, than to be in a stagnant non relationship hurting indefinitely with nothing but scar tissue to show for it.

  5. 7 KDixonDC
    January 17, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    Ok I hate to do this, because I basically agree with the entire idea behind this post, but I’m gonna throw a little bomb in here. But I think this particular bomb has a context that, instead of disproving your whole thesis, actually reinforces what you’re getting at underneath (which I see as “respect yourself, for fuck’s sake”).

    My first year in grad school I met Jason, and we proceeded to have a drunken pseudo-relationship for about four months. Both of us were upfront and fine with being FWB, but when the end of first semester rolled around I woke up one day and was like, “hmm, actually I want more than this now.” So I went to him and said, “Hey, this has been fun, but I want more than this now, you wanna try a relationship or what?” And he thought about it for a bit and said no. No, not interested in a relationship with you. And (here’s the key part) I said, “Ok. That’s disappointing, and I gotta be moving on then, but we can still be friends and I’ll see you around.” (Hard to cut off all ties in a 20-person grad program, you know.) A month went by (Jan term) where we didn’t see or talk to each other, then back for second semester, and four days in he comes to me and says “I changed my mind.”

    I KNOW. THAT SHIT NEVER HAPPENS. Except it did. And that day, where he said “do you still wanna try this?” and I said “yeah, I do,” was nine years ago today. We’re still together.

    Here’s what I take from that, though. It’s not that “you can change a man” – exactly the opposite, really. You have to tell a man what you want, and if he can’t give it to you, then you move on and start looking for the one who will. I 100% walked away from the wishy-washy once I was done with it. It can’t be a feint, or a trick, or a game. You do it for real, and eventually the right thing comes to you – which in my case, had been the wrong thing at first, but you just never know.

  6. January 17, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    Good stuff, madam! Fell in this trap a few times. But wanna know what’s funny? How men will get hurt when you take them at their word. And Chase you down. They count on women not believing them and working hard giving their all to change their mind. Count on it. They like to say I told you, but the purpose of telling is not to do you a favor, its to issue a challenge. Try and change my mind with your goodies. The moment you try to make me give you something in return, I’m gonna make you feel stupid with the same words I used to reel you in.

    I get comfort from the reaction of men when they realize I’m taking them at their word. Script flipping hilarity.

    • 9 Anonymous
      January 17, 2012 at 7:11 pm

      Lol Ive done this, they basically beg you to be with them. You hit them with the “remember what we discussed, yeah I don’t want you like that!” but most women I’ve encountered aren’t capable of this. So they should just move along when they get hit with the okey doke.

  7. January 17, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    *STANDING OVATION* I’m married now but I probably didn’t learn this FOR REAL FOR REAL, until I was about 30 years old. I’m 38 now. Wasn’t that long ago.

  8. January 17, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    while reading this i started thinking this was a bunch of bullshit but as i read i couldn’t help but think back at some of my non-relationships and i realized that i’ve done the exact same thing that you’ve described. its not fair nor is it right but i did it. the women i spent time with allowed me to do it. it worked for as long as it worked because we both lied to ourselves and each other. great post.

  9. 12 Anonymous
    January 17, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    I’ve been that guy. I was up front with it but she was persistent. After reading this I can understand how she must have felt.

  10. January 17, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    ” It’s not that “you can change a man” – exactly the opposite, really. You have to tell a man what you want, and if he can’t give it to you, then you move on and start looking for the one who will. I 100% walked away from the wishy-washy once I was done with it. It can’t be a feint, or a trick, or a game. You do it for real, and eventually the right thing comes to you – which in my case, had been the wrong thing at first, but you just never know.” To Fooler and KCDixonDC truer words have never been spoken hopefully some of these ladies listen and hold us men to higher standards

  11. January 17, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    I agree 100%. Personally I don’t understand how girls (and women) allow themselves to be put in that situation. I think some females equate love with a struggle so they think the man will eventually change their mind and it very rarely happens. It did happen to one of my friends, but he strung her around for an entire year before he agreed to be “official”.

    • 15 Anonymous
      July 31, 2012 at 7:10 am

      It’s called being codependent and insecure (and no personal boundaries). Putting a man’s need first before her own. If you don’t respect yourself, no one else will. If you allow a man to walk all over you, he will.

  12. January 17, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    I once fall madly in love with a man . . . who I believed was my soul mate in very facet of the word. And then, one day, he tells me I care for you but, not in the way you want me to. Oh, I already knew he didn’t really want a relationship with me, in the same sense of the word that I had wanted, but for yrs I pretended he did. I knew he would change his mind, eventually, until he spoke those words that day in my living room. The reality set in. Along with anger at him but, mostly, at myself. I made the decision that I could not be his friend, which now in hindsight, I wish we were still. Just friends. An occasional hello, nothing more. He was a good guy. I had blinded myself because, from the beginning he stated, why do we have to define this?
    It hurt then, standing in that room, it stings now years later. But, I would truly rather wait to have the man who wants to be in love with me in the relationship, I envision as he does then, to ever subject myself to the ‘non-relationship’ again.

  13. 17 Needed This...
    January 17, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    About 6 months ago…this was my story…and it completely broke me down…and long story short…i thought i had gotten over it…and for the most part i had…but this post just barried that chapter in my life and i thank you for that….you completely took it to church for me…and i plan to share this with the masses.

    however…question…why is it this seems to be the case when men dont want the relationship….its a completely different ball game when WOMEN arent really interested and dont want to commit. the man is just “putting in work” to get “his girl”…and IF by chance he gets her, hes GOT her forever…if he doesnt get her…shes basically a slut and wanted to “***k other ninjas” and not be with homie…

    like you said about your blog…you dont know every instance where people are in “non-relationships relationships” but from what ive seen it often seems to be the case…

    again, thanks!

  14. 18 sourpatchkid
    January 17, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    best.advice.ever. easily one of your top 3 posts. and the fact that you learned this at 18 years old is AMAZING. saved you yeeeears of goofiness and heartbreak. you know what i was doing at 18? having a LONG DISTANCE non-relationship with someone in a different college and a different state. lol, smh. oh, to be young, dumb, and full of cum.

    • 19 Ash
      January 17, 2012 at 11:13 pm

      Hahaha @ “young, dumb, and full of cum” I was in the same situation when I was 18!!! Whew I’m so glad I’m not in a situation like that anymore! My first 3 non-relationships were just like she described in this blog! My philosophy was “I’m a good woman, what man wouldn’t want me” like she said “arrogance”. Then I had the nerve to think “if I’m giving to him, he should give back to me”. I misunderstood the principle of reciprocity. I felt like I deserved to have it, which I did, but if someone is clearly unwilling to give it, then it’s time to walk away! I’m so glad I learned this lesson a long time ago! Never again! Actions do speak louder than words, but words speak louder than actions when someone is telling you “I don’t want to be with you”!!!!

      • 20 Ash
        January 17, 2012 at 11:15 pm

        I just re-read my post…and it’s sad to say “first 3 non-relationships”…yeah…horrible mistakes! Young and dumb at it’s finest! So glad I have grown up and learned to value myself more and desire and expect more!

  15. January 17, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    Madamoiselle Fooler:

    these are some of the truth-iest truths i have ever seen in print. so much so, that i feel that they should be inscribed in 4 foot-thick granite, upon a monument in Washington DC where all might come by and visit it at all hours of the day and night.

    until then, i’m just gonna forward the link to this here blog to EVERY woman i know. including the grip of my friends who are divorcing.

    Merci.

  16. January 17, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    **claps** I think I have finally come to a place where I know how to walk away, as much as it hurts I’ve learned who I am and what I am here for, and what I am not here for.

  17. 24 Ty Ty
    January 17, 2012 at 7:32 pm

    Wow! This hit so close to home it made my heart tingle. I just (2 days ago) realized that when a man tells you what he wants or doesn’t want, you better believe it. I was spending a lot of time with someone I thought would eventually be mine one day. Even though he told me from the jump that he didn’t want a relationship (with me). Now, he’s in a committed relationship with another woman and the last time we were intimate was a few weeks ago.

  18. January 17, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    Wow…This was very true, and well-written. I sometimes take for granted the wisdom of my Twitter comic contemporary and occasional drinking buddy ;-)

  19. January 17, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    Walking away is far more better than divorce, but a lot of the women folk tends to stay,endure the stings of the heartless words from the guy and later wallow in self pity. no wonder, there’s increase in raised blood pressure and cases of hypertension on the increase.hmmm….

  20. 27 Black Bella
    January 17, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    While this is good advice, because I’ve seen this happen dozens of times. I get the feeling that this was written with a bit of bitterness. Every man who says he doesn’t want to be in a relaitonship is hoping that you stick around and give him benefits w/o the commitment, or is going to dog you out,, or is a bad person. Some people just arent ready to be in a relationship. And being ready to be in a relationship isn’t something that necessarily comes with age. Anything could be going on in their life that prevents them from being fully committed to another person. Like myself, though I think I got it going on right now (car, crib, career, no kids, etc) I’m not ready to be in a relationship and I am upfront with that. I’m trying to get into grad school, move to another city, etc. I just don’t have time to be committed to another person right now. Doesn’t mean I’m going to dog a man out, it just means don’t put your heart all in and don’t hesitate if someone else comes along.

    The problem I have had in the past though is not having these “intentions” conversations upfront and waiting months down the road thinking things are going good and were about to move to the next step and that’s not the case. So I applaud anyone who prevents me from wasting my time.

    • 28 Anonymous
      January 18, 2012 at 5:09 am

      i am 32 years old. and EVERY single time i have seen a man say he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, either to me or anyone i know, i mean every single time, the man was either already in a relationship and hiding it, or found someone else less than 6 months but most times in less time that that. not just me or my friends, friends of friends. most times they just don’t want You in particular. the point is not to think of them as bad people, that’s not the point. whether they’re playing you or not is irrelevant. the point is – we must drop our egos let it go and move on. and boy that’s hard. really really hard.

  21. January 17, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    Well I mean you can’t say “hey, I want a relationship with you” on the first damn date. We need time to decide if we want a relationship too…that sometimes takes a few months…just like it takes men a while to know what they want as well. The issue she raised is what you do AFTER the conversation has been had and the intentions are stated…those intentions being not having a relationship. The major issue is what’s pointed out above: the fact that a “not ready for a relationship” man and an “in a relationship man” often exhibit the same behavior. And often times the man will do EVERYTHING to keep that woman holding on when he knows he has no intentions of being with her even going as far as saying “just not right now…i want to be with you eventually…I see you in my future” those things lead to confusion which leads to reluctance on the woman’s behalf because she is scared that if she moves on she’ll be missing out on the possibility of something great with a man she’s grown to care about. And so she stays and waits and pretends…waiting for her chance. AND THAT’S THAT SHIT…that shit that makes you bitter. The writer is saying that she learned that lesson…and she’s sharing her knowledge with the readers. Simple. Not every man is looking to break hearts…not, not every. And men aren’t the only culprits in this kind of set up either but goddamn my nigga…this is what we’re talking about right now. And not every man is a bad person but men at that place in their life where they’re willing to be selfish and keep a woman holding on while she waits in vain…are doing so with ill intent. They know how that story is going to end. Shit. And women will either learn and not repeat or…not.

    • 30 Kimjaka21
      March 19, 2012 at 11:06 pm

      You are soooo right. The problem I have is with that “I see you in my future but I’m not ready right now” bullsh*t. Yeah, real talk, THAT’s the stuff bitterness is made of. Because it’s deliberate, purposeful, and dishonest. A man knows when there is a future with you and when there isn’t.

      What I don’t understand is how so many men aren’t ready for the accountability of a relationship but they are “ready” and willing to have all the perks and play house like they are in a relationship. I actually have more respect for a man who tells me up front that he’s not interested in a relationship than the ones who promise you the moon yet wouldn’t give you a star. To me, it’s better to be upfront and honest. It’s wrong to say something you don’t mean just so that you can reap the benefits of someone’s hope for and or confusion about a relationship.

      Now, as women, it behooves us to wake up and realize when a man is just stringing us along. It’s the unfortunate reality we must accept and learn to navigate through. Men know that, as a rule, most women are not just looking to have a “fling” or be just “a member of” their harem. So the tactic seems to be to dangle a carrot of the hope of a relationship in front of us. Dead wrong.

      A man not being ready for a relationship with me is fine as long as he’s clear about that. But taking advantage of a woman’s desire to be in a committed relationship by lying, either by commission, or omission of the facts is just wrong.

      As women (as people), we have to keep our eyes open and our radar on to weed through dishonesty and false pretense.

      At the end of the day, I respect honesty, even if it isn’t what I want to hear.

  22. January 17, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    “The only person charged with a duty to protect you and your well-being is you. You are the only person accountable for you. You are the only person who can keep you from being hurt.”

    These lines hit so close to home, it’s unreal. I’ve been trying to hammer this point to so many of my female friends, but to no avail. This is the first time I’ve known a woman to share these sentiments. Excellent piece of writing. Everything you mentioned couldn’t be any more truthful.

  23. January 17, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    interesting, I agree with most of what you said around this statement:

    This is so powerful because it is entirely antithetical to how we’ve been led to believe they operate. This man doesn’t even want you enough to lie to you to convince you otherwise; he doesn’t even have the time to blow smoke up your ass. He is going to tell you something he knows you don’t want to hear, and risk the chance that you will walk away. He won’t even try to sell you a dream.

    Not sure if it was your intention, but this statement inherently assumes that men tend to be dishonest. Is it not possible that a man just want’s to put it out there so that he can avoid the drama that goes with getting caught in lies?

  24. 33 CaliGirlED
    January 17, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    Bravo!!! *stands, applauds, whistles* This is everything the truth is meant to be!

  25. January 17, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    Fooler you kept it 200% real on this one! In response to some of the comments I’ve read I don’t think this came from a place of bitterness nor does it imply that all men are liars, dogs, and cheats. If women can’t be honest with each other without really spelling out what happens TOO OFTEN THAN NOT than who can? And if some of you cannot admit to what you’ve observed around you and experienced first hand the message here will go over your head. “There’s a comfort in words that people are bound to. There’s a safety there.Because actions are subjective.” Many a woman has SAID “I’m tired of this dating thing I’m ready to settle down” or “It would be nice to have a boyfriend” or the classic “I’m looking for something serious” but then they’re caught up in the Not Titles game trying to turn something around that was never headed in that direction. It’s also been my experience that sometimes men SAY what they think you WANT TO HEAR so Fooler isn’t wrong about her statement that he didn’t care even care enough to sell you on a dream is pretty accurate. The truth hurts, it sucks, but the minute that this message is accepted is the day women will stop effectually hurting themselves because they’ll quit trying to take the car down a road it wasn’t even meant to go.

  26. 35 Anonymous
    January 17, 2012 at 11:32 pm

    This really hit home.

  27. January 17, 2012 at 11:47 pm

    This is some trufff right here… being a man, I know that the non-relationship relationship is the greatest and worst thing ever. Greatest because you can’t say shit if you’ve discussed it up front, and worst because you can’t say shit if you’ve discussed it up front. Every now and again, it works out, and turns into a real relationship, but that’s rare.

  28. January 17, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    You don’t post often, but when you do, you BRING IT!!!!! This post was all kinds of truth.

  29. January 18, 2012 at 12:18 am

    So, why is then that a women who echos these same words to male suitors are labeled and outcasted in society?
    A woman who says “I don’t want a relationship” is labeled as a “whoe” or a “bitter woman” because she chooses not to indulge in sexual and emotional rompering.

    I think the fact that Jim Jones’ proposed to Chrissy on the VH1 Show “Love and Hip Hop” nulls this entire article. Not because the article is partly true but because women are gonna follow what they view as “success”. They tune into these shows and relate it to their actual lives. Chrissy kept applying pressure and Jim finally caved in. This article is nice but idealistic.

  30. January 18, 2012 at 12:52 am

    Last year, this was me… Everything you outlined was what I was hoping for.. I’ll be honest, NOTHING feels as empowering as finding the courage to walk away (if you’re smart, you’ll do it before emotions get tangled up).. I was not smart..
    I finally left him alone and wrote a post about it so those that knew me could hold me accountable. The things you see when you’re outside of the situation are amazing.. And now, he and I can even laugh about it..

    This is hard to hear, but it’s exactly right..
    You said what every woman knows… we always want to be the exception, but we’re the rule..

  31. January 18, 2012 at 2:57 am

    God I just learned this and I’m in my thirties. I’m going to share this with all my 20’s friends.

    I think its because women think that men think the way women think. If a woman said “I don’t want a relationship” she might change her mind, but a man doesn’t. He already knows,

    I think women keep trying to make it work – not because they’re arrogant, but because it hurts so much to think he wants all the things from you but doesn’t really want you. That hurts.

    You laid it out straight though – you are responsible for you. You are. I’m tired of women complaining about men – pick better men if you want to be treated better. Quit picking men who don’t want you, and men who don’t deserve you.

  32. 41 MissRedwine
    January 18, 2012 at 3:58 am

    I have to say, this post makes me appreciate my ex’s who have been honest with both me and themselves and admitted that they aren’t relationship material. I appreciate them so much more as I read this and can see the anguish that wasted time can create. When it comes to love, i’m so far from arrogant that I pack my shit immediately and dip when they tell me who they really are, and this well-put piece really makes me feel wonderful about packing up my shit and not looking back. It’s the co-sign of all co-signs.

  33. 42 MissRedwine
    January 18, 2012 at 4:17 am

    Meme François, I respect your opinion but dissagree re this article being idealistic and “Love and Hip Hop” being your supporting example.

    Chrissy has NOT received what she wanted. She wants a MARRIAGE and FAMILY. What she received was a ring over EIGHT MONTHS ago and they still have not set a date for the wedding. Nor does Jim seem to have any plans to pick a date soon. It took Jim 7yrs to propose and she’s still stalling. I think this further supports the point of this article. i wish Chrissy the best, but in the end every woman has to decide how much of their lives do they want to spend either persuading a man of their worth, or playing “heart hot-potato” and hoping that when the music stops, they end up with a ring when there is some man out there, probably someone they have yet to meet, who goes to bed each night praying to God that he’ll meet her in the morning.

    http://necolebitchie.com/2012/01/10/jim-jones-chrissy-dish-on-their-engagement-with-hot-97s-angie-martinez/

  34. 43 fourpageletter
    January 18, 2012 at 5:03 am

    this was one of the best things i’ve EVER read.
    hands down. period.

  35. January 18, 2012 at 7:07 am

    Well spoken and put together. I’m not sure what the paying taxes was about (are relationships taxed?), but the rest of it I have to admit was very good.

  36. 45 KoKoCha
    January 18, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    It’s 2012 and you guys (girls to be honest) are still figuring this out?…….Interesting! Like I always say, women are the cause of their own woes. On the other hand, enjoyable read.

  37. 46 MisterrCarterr
    January 18, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    At least one woman understands. Jesus! LOL Arrogance. I am staying single FOREVER.

  38. 47 Amy Pirt
    January 18, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    You speak so much sense.

  39. January 18, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    Oh my goodness this is AWESOME… being a woman who can write for days, at first I must admit, I said I am not reading all that… but once I started reading I kept on cause every word kept me captivated and I had to continue on… WOW amazing piece and so true to the T.. I appreciate your honesty and being real, if only we all would wake up and realize this in the very beginning, we’d all be better for it. Thanks again!!!

  40. 49 Marcos Girl
    January 18, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    I cried when I read this post because for the last 2.5 yrs Ive been in this position-i finally had the motivation to sit and right an email to a guy I was ‘dating’ and end it. It was insightful and real and I thank you so much!

  41. January 18, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    Let’s keep it real here: friends with benefits rarely works for the simple fact of the scenario given above.

    There are also other situations to think about:

    1.) People tend to forget that a woman’s body isn’t “wired for having fruitless relationships based on sex”. At the end of the day, in most cases, she will desire more. It happens like that cause its supposed to happen like that.

    2.) If a man doesn’t want to be in a relationship, take his word for it. Even if you don’t believe him, just take his word for it.

    3.) Don’t try to change his mind. And don’t do stuff that he doesn’t do for you.

    http://mdotmindondisplay.blogspot.com/2011/05/beneficial-friendship-friends-that-have.html

    Peep what I wrote about it. It all makes sense, even if you don’t agree.

  42. January 18, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    AMAZING POST! As many of the commenters have stated, you hit the proverbial nail on the head. I learned this lesson at age 30..a little…LOT..too late, but I’m glad I learned it when I did. It was the last “non-relationship” before I started dating my husband. The minute he came out and told me “I don’t want to be with you like THAT”, I was out the door. Unfortunately, it took three months to get to that point.

    Thank you so much for posting this…you’ve just earned yourself a new follower. :)

  43. 52 cb53
    January 18, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    I have to admit that I didn’t read the whole thing, but you’re totally right. I’m only 19, and I’ve already had a couple guys like that in my life. Thank God I finally found a good guy. And that is why I love the movie “He’s Just not into You.”

  44. January 18, 2012 at 11:40 pm

    I just wrote about this a couple weeks back on my blog. I’m 26 now and I am still learning about this every day it seems. Biggest point I take from this…Remember your worth and don’t expect someone else to keep it sacred for you. You have to keep it sacred for yourself. It’s a nice reminder and I’m gonna have to put this on my fridge as well honestly! Thanks for the amazing read!

  45. January 18, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    all my ladies need to read this and learn:)

  46. 55 Yazzy
    January 19, 2012 at 1:49 am

    As an almost 18 year old myself, I truly enjoyed reading this because I see it on a daily basis. Thankfully, I have learned this through close friends of mine that have been hurt. I am also thankful that my relationship never started out this way, I kept my stance as a young woman and got that official title!

  47. 56 Shaz
    January 19, 2012 at 3:31 am

    Ok I’m kinda in that situation but it’s a bit different. Everyone here seems to be talking about a non relationship, FWB. My bf and I have been together for 3 years (as a bf/gf item) and we moved in together after one year and then about a month ago he suggests buying a place together. Now a month later, out of no where he says I want to be single. He says he does love me but he doesn’t like living with me. How does someone go from let’s buy a house together to I want to be single and live on my own?

    • 57 ASeason
      January 19, 2012 at 6:17 am

      Sometimes things happen that we may not ever be able to understand. But the take away from this blog is that if a man tells you something like this believe him and act accordingly. I know it will probably be hard for you to understand and get over but it is something you have to do.

    • 58 KoKoCha
      January 19, 2012 at 6:50 am

      Makes perfect sense my dear Shaz. Why are you moving in with a boyfriend in the first place? That’s doing too much. Are you guys married? Moving in is too intimate and revealing, you are giving the guy the opportunity to know what the absolute full package is without marital commitment. Therefore he has confirmed and told you that he has realised that infact you are not “cohabitable”, and so therefore goodbye. Say no to moving in! Let me share with you how i view the concept of dating…in my point of view, dating is just a test, it’s not the real deal, its an illusion almost. It’s more so a test for the guy (because when it comes to relationships/marriage the ball is undeniably in the guy’s court) to know whether he wants to advance to the next stage with you, and if you fail the test, then you are the weakest link. As traditional as this sounds (which is ironic cause I’m a liberal mind) if there is no ring on your finger, you are a test! Why do you think men suddenly wake up one morning and decide to get married, even when he only just broke up with a supposedly “great” girl a month ago?. Anyway I’ve said enough! xxx

  48. 59 Anonymous
    January 19, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Oh wow. Sorry but I disagree. All that stuff she did for him was to manipulate him into being with her, which was inherently dishonest. She pretty much got what she deserved. Seems like the guy was very clear from jump and she made her bed and now is upset cuz she had to lay in it (no pun). By her logic if a woman gives a man a lot of sex, time, and attention he owes her a relationship. So does the same hold true for men? If a man gives a woman alot of time, attention, and lets say…money, does the woman owe him sex? Nah, u just got played. Don’t blame the guy or the opposite sex blame yourself. We’ve all played the goofy at some time! Hey, you can’t knock a guy for being honest. I’ll admit tho, the meeting the parents thing was weird. I wonder if she’s still sleeping with him… Hmmmm. 

  49. 60 LOL :)
    January 19, 2012 at 9:45 am

    I was in a relationship like this for 6 years. I drove to his school 7 hours away to see him during spring break one year but I asked him to come pick me up while we were in the same city. He told me no. That’s when I had to make my break. The funny thing is he told me upfront “I’m not good enough for you.” and I thought that I could make him better or lower myself for us to work. I went to an event at his house with his family members and I saw what he meant. We weren’t a good fit together. It was all physical but when I figured out that my emotions meant more than an orgasm, I left him alone.

    The thing is that women lie and sike each other out by saying “I don’t need no man” or “He can get up and leave when we’re done!” and in both scenarios, those women are lying. Men feel too good physically and emotionally for you not to need one and everyone wants to be held while laying in the wet spot ;) We need to be more honest about what we want for ourselves and not settle for less.

  50. January 19, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    I love this. I had many, many favorite parts, but I think this was my top favorite: “It may be disappointing, yes, but be of good cheer.”

  51. 62 Tiffany
    January 19, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    The sad thing is that as honest and true as this post is, there are still some women out there who are sitting there reading and saying to themselves “My situation is different.” SMH

  52. 63 Nena
    January 20, 2012 at 12:46 am

    IM going thru this right now. How crazy. Truth hurts but it for the better

  53. 64 ivory
    January 20, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    wooden nickels never have spent well…

  54. 65 Donn
    January 23, 2012 at 9:53 pm

    For real.

    If we are worried about losing you, we will never EVER say the one thing that makes that probable.

  55. January 27, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    Holy shit balls. I an 3-fucking-5 and in this exact situation. This is wonderfully said. Brilliant. I agree with every point you made. GENIUS!

  56. 68 Deon
    February 4, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    I guess I’ll put myself in harms way so to speak. This was sent to me via email, by the person w/whom I share a “relationship” akin to what is being described here. I’m the male, 31, she is 35. I’m not sure of the purpose for which this was sent, but since we obviously fit the profile, I’ll comment. 1st I will give our “irrelevant” history. We met awhile back, during which time, we enjoyed each others’ time, getting to know each other, having sex, and all of those things that lead up to a relationship. She always had an issue w/our age difference fearing that eventually I would leave for someone younger (closer to my own age as she would put it), despite my telling her otherwise, and giving her no reason to question this. At the time, I had work, my 3 yr old daughter (whom she had met) and her. There was never a time where I was not either at work w/my daughter or with her, so much so to when I did “burn out” it was usually when I was with her, I would sleep during time we were supposed spending together. Neither of us were completely sure of what the other wanted, but I was interested in seeing where things could go if she could get it out of her head that I was bound to leave. Make a longer story short one day she just disappeared. No calls, made or returned, no more contact, nothing. Being an adult I allowed time for “what if”. What if she was sick, had a project @ work, loss in the family……. whatever, but after a month, it became clear, at least for me, in my opinion she had lost interest.
    Fast forward 5 yrs. She pops just as she left – out of nowhere via FB. She’s newly single, out of an engagement, I’m in a relationship, that isn’t working out. We chat back and forth, and eventually we see each other.
    Now in the midst thru the end of my last relationship, and prior to being contacted by the woman I see now, I said to myself that if it didn’t work out, I would be single for awhile, which I’d never been for more than six months since I was literally maybe 14, and just take sometime to get things that I want to do, done. I’d started a business, had 2 more kids, and had more than enough things to keep me busy with my business alone, to where as there just wasnt much focus on something that seemed to be more draining than rewarding.
    Well all of this was shared, and mutually agreed upon, and yet many times there were issues regarding time, spent, how often we were able to communicate and various things that really bothered her emotionally, while they simply annoyed me. Now according to this blog I am being selfish, and leading her on, making her think that there is a future, and hoping that she’ll continue to give of herself for as long as possible, along with a host of other bullshit that simply has nothing to do with anything. Now there are some things in this blog that can ring true as long as you take a neutral tone speaking in terms of what PEOPLE do in these situations, as opposed to what MEN DO TO WOMEN, and what WOMEN NEED TO START DOING TO PROTECT THEMSELVES, because despite this being wrote by a woman, this happen just as much to men at the hands of a woman as well.
    Though I do enjoy this woman’s company (and I’m keeping this generic, not to describe how unattached I am to her, but because it’s the easiest way not to say our names), who she is has no bearing on the decision I made FOR ME, prior to her contacting me. You’d think a he’s single bulletin went out, because in the time I’ve been single, which has only been about 8 months, I’ve heard from every female I’ve dated in my adult life, which is 6, and 2 from my high school yrs, all of whom were NOW ready to be in a relationship because they’d gotten all of the playing around out of their systems- I was too intense and serious about life at a young age, which was unusual, and not something they knew how to deal with at the time. For the woman I’m speaking of, she told me that she felt I was gonna leave, so her leaving was a test to see how hard I would “fight” for her. I felt like I showed what my intentions were, and I can’t “fight” whats all in her head, and I’m not in the business of trying to keep one who’s not trying to be kept. Now with all that I’ve heard/been told over the past few month’s, and some of the stuff is just plain stupid, My decision was not based on my past experiences being hurt, so much as it was just maybe I need to slow down and just “enjoy life” as people often tell me they were doing. Now the irony is that when they were doing it, I was being told what they felt I wanted to hear w/no 1 having any intentions of hurting my feelings, but simply trying to hold on to what they felt was ultimately a good guy, though they knew they weren’t ready to commit, and my saying that I’m not interested in a relationship at this point in my life anymore made some of them upset, as if now that they are ready, I should welcome them into my life again with open arms. This was how I was starting to see the woman I’m speaking of and made it plain to her, what it is I didnt want, what she has no right to expect, and based on what she seems to want, and what I told her I didnt want that she should in fact find some 1 who is willing to give her what she wants, cuz I’m not.
    Now in the end she chooses at least for the moment to stay, but know this- it isn’t bcuz I am baiting her, misleading her, or in any way giving her “hope” for what she may want, and I am not spending time bcuz she is doing what was referred to as “relationship shit”. I do enjoy her company, and yes we have sex, no she doesn’t cook for me or my friends, who are nothing close to trifling. Most men may not say this, but I can make myself nut so as much as I enjoy sex, it’s not a necessity, it’s a choice, and I am a OTR- over the road trucker,which I love, so being alone is not an issue for me either. Is my choice to not be in a relationship is to take time to do what I want, when I want, how I want? Sure. But so that I can get out of being accountable to someone for the purposes of not having to care about their feelings? Not at all. Does this happen to PEOPLE-women included? Yes. But from an emotional stand point it’s far more likely that the person abstaining from titles is more worried abt being hurt (again) than avoiding your feelings entirely.
    Bottom line if you are told up that a relationship isn’t wanted be it up front, or down the line, that statement is in and of itself, as much as you can ever want- the truth. What you do with that information is up to you the as an individual. While there are many points here that I can agree to, as I said w/out regard to sex, it falls short, when you start to make unsubstantiated inferences into WHY (a person doesn’t want a relationship), to justify your feelings in the aftermath of the WHAT(an individual not wanting a relationship-especially in instances where you are told). Whether you are interested in the WHY or not, it DOES matter,, and to your hypothesis

    “When a man says he does not want to be in a relationship with you, he never will.

    The end.

    When a man says he does not want to be in a relationship with you, he never will.

    I know no one wants to hear it. I know life changes. Circumstances change. People change their minds.

    He won’t.

    I’m trying to save you some time, here.

    He won’t.

    Oh. He might change his mind about being in a relationship. Being with you and experiencing the creature comforts of boo-hood might certainly whet his palate in terms of being properly loved and cared for by a woman.

    That woman just won’t be you.

    On a very narrow scale, this is true. But as a definitive rule? It’s as true me saying the Sun shines only on SUNday because it favors the day of the week, that starts with it’s name.
    Of course you personalize this statement when it’s made to you, but you are making a mistake to think that becuz it was made TO YOU, that it’s purely ABOUT YOU, and EXCLUSIVE TO YOU.

    • 69 Nikki
      February 8, 2012 at 6:43 pm

      Why in the hell are you all up in your feelings in this blogs comment section…sir! Leaving this long a** run-on sentence is an indicator that you’ve been hurt….boo. Did you cry when you wrote this? Are your hurting inside? Do you need a hug? I got a spare of nuts you can borrow.

      • 70 Deon
        February 20, 2012 at 1:38 am

        LMAO! My long a** run-on sentence explains that I can relate from a different standpoint, as well as why I don’t fully agree. In fairness it’s in response to an initial statement that was long enough itself.
        More direct to the heart of ur comment, sure every1 has been hurt, the length of my comment had nothing to do with that. Did I cry, am I hurting inside, do I need a hug? Not at all.
        2 points though- 1. Don’t make ignorant statements on grammatical errors- i.e run-on……, and then end with a sentence that clearly is missing words that would allow it to make sense.
        2. Kill ya self for thinking that a man being hurt WOULD BE a sign of weakness. (For the record- That’s a statement of personal feelings, I really FEEL you should heed.)

  57. 71 TeJay Henderson
    February 6, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    I’ve been on both sides of this coin. Yes. Personally, I think being transparent is respectful. Would you rather someone lead you on? If both parties agree to a non-titled relationship, the results of that agreement shouldn’t be up for debate. You signed up for it. When I wanted something serious,I had a young woman tell me: “I mean you cool peeps.” This isn’t that complicated–I don’t think.

  58. 72 sometimesimmean@gmail.com
    February 7, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    While I’ve definitely had my heart broken, as a woman I’ve ever been this situation (being told that he’s not looking for a relationship and still clinging to hope); and I always feel sorry for the women who experience it. Maybe I have too much pride (which can hurt you as well, but that’s another story for another day). Or maybe I’ve had too many friends who are men. Then again, they often told me we got along because I thought and behaved much like a man. I’m not opposed to non-committal relationships as long as we’re both on the same page, but I couldn’t fathom remaining with a man who says he doesn’t want me. It would just turn me all the way off. “You don’t want me? Ew. Poof, be gone.” The closest I’ve ever come to that feeling was once dating a guy (we weren’t a couple and I was clear on that) who was downright disrespectful in many ways. There came a point (within one month) where I just cut him off cold turkey. And, much like many have pointed out in the comments, he then wanted to call all the time, etc. Sorry, wasn’t interested. I was in my twenties then and was even more cutthroat in my teens, so I don’t think it’s necessarily a “with age comes wisdom” deal either. I think part of the problem with women is that we usually only know men (other than immediate relatives) on a superficial level. It really helps to have male friends – REAL friends who aren’t trying to get in your pants (nor you theirs). It really opens your eyes to the ways of men as you watch them date (bonus: it’s often downright hilarious as well); also getting to know men on a platonic level prevents you from taking the hurtful (relatively speaking) things they do so personally. Just cut your losses and move on.

  59. February 8, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Love. This.

    It should be handed out (probably with condoms) to every 13-year-old girl in America as a preemptive strike. Not that 13-year-old me would have listened, but you have to start early if you’re going to get it in their heads. Especially when so much of the world is telling them the exact opposite.

    And that’s the answer to your question, btw, the why are women still letting this happen to themselves? I think the answer has two parts: fiction and being told how damn special you are all the time.

    Fiction tells us we can change a man. Books and movies and TV show women hanging in there long enough, wearing the right dress, finding the right perfume, cooking the right dinner, saying the right line, having the perfect hair and/or all kinds of other crap at just the right moment so everything falls into place and they live happily ever after. I have actually lost a friend for saying this, but I’m going to throw it out there to the vastness of the Internet: YOUR LIFE IS NOT A MOVIE. He is not reading off the script that is in your head. This is real life and in real life, sometimes people suck.

    And just because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you doesn’t mean you’re not special. Yes, yes, you are a special little snowflake, there is no one like you, you are wonderful and talented and can do anything in the world you want. Except magically turn an asshole into a prince. No one can do that, honey.

    Really knowing all the things you said would have saved me some serious heartache — but then again, maybe I wouldn’t appreciate the wonderful man I married as much as I do if I hadn’t been so so so hurt before I met him…

  60. February 10, 2012 at 7:53 am

    I am only 17 years old and incredibly appreciative that I have read this whilst I am young and yet to find myself in such situation. I feel that this post alone has taught me so much.

    Thank you for the pain you have potentially saved me from.

    xxx

  61. 76 Anonymous
    February 20, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    I am a boy. i think my mind is similar to the one’s you are describing. All you tell are so true and accurate.
    But, would you share something in your heart and mind?
    What do you want? What would the girls expect?

    Thanks. :)

  62. 77 Anonymous
    February 22, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Hi, I’m an 19 year old guy and even though I know your article is directed to ladies. I can’t help but find similarities between what happened between me and my girl best friend. Maybe it’s just the emotional part of me making associations but what you wrote just made perfect sense to me. As if it was the answer to questions I’ve been thinking about for the past 9 months now.
    I know some people might think I’m doing this too early but I want something serious. Otherwise, why bother with a relationship and all it’s costs. I mean if you won’t take me now with all of my ideas and surprises and commitment ( I said no to 4 other girls for a title of best friend ) then it’s only going to get worse from here. If a person really wants to be a part of your world, they will make an effort to be. I guess she just isn’t the one.

  63. March 8, 2012 at 7:48 am

    Reblogged this on lafayesway and commented:
    Amazing.

  64. 79 Dickie
    March 19, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    Great post as usual… but cmon now… you can’t leave your fans waiting for 3 months for a new post… this is like when HBO waited 2 years to put out season 4 of the Wire…you got the ‘feens’ itching

  65. 80 wowreally
    May 17, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Should have bailed when he didn’t commit. Thats what you get for thinking with your clit. Blame yourself for your bad choices, not anyone else.

  66. 82 KT
    June 17, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    Im so late to this post but bc I was simultaneously coming to this conclusion, i feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. it hurts like bloody hell but this is what i needed to read to confirm that i needed to walk away. COMPLETELY. Thank you

  67. 83 Naija
    July 19, 2012 at 11:35 pm

    This is a damn good post. I may just have to journey through the archives in their entirety after all.

  68. November 7, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    Reblogged this on beforesheimplodes and commented:
    Well this stung a little bit, even though the issue with regards to me is in the past, it till stung. Mainly because…i knew…

  69. 85 H•A•W
    November 7, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Reblogged this on Henrietta's Musing's and commented:
    This happens alot…

  70. 87 Truly-a-fan
    December 31, 2012 at 4:58 am

    I consid this article to be second in truth to the Bible. I’ve read it time and time again, when it applied and when it did not. I also shared it w almost everyone I know. Thanks for writing such a real piece

  71. 88 Asia
    November 20, 2013 at 12:46 pm

    Sounds like these men are emotionally unavailable retards

    And yet we make excuses for them.

    Yes ladies, run far away.

  72. 89 Anonymous
    December 13, 2013 at 12:11 am

    I had to leave you a comment to let you know your writing is absolutely riveting and if you don’t find a job as a teacher please go into writing
    I have my criminal law final tomorrow morning and I couldn’t care less because your blog is THAT GOOD. SALUTE.


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