here’s what you need to know. my name is blah blah blah. i am a twenty-something (though very nearly 30 year old) 30 year old single, black attorney living in the greater washington, dc metropolitan area. to tell you the truth, this blog really serves no purpose. i mean, i’ll talk about my shit-for-brains clients, and the sketch comedy that is my dating life, but trust me, i’m relatively lacking in substance. seriously. i’m not trying to bring harmony to the world. i’m not teaching savvy new takes on old fashioned molasses cookies. i’m not educating the masses to the ills and pitfalls of something or other. it’s just a blog. in the interest of full disclosure, it probably behooves you to know that while i’m a lawyer, by trade, i’m an asshole by circumstance. i have two dogs, pretentiously named, topher and cooper. sadly, they are the only surviving evidence of my long-lost, and might i submit, fabled, humanity. “sadly,” of course, because they aren’t human at all. they’re dogs.
48 Responses to “About the Author”
Leave a Reply
hey, i’m glad you have a blog. this is huge man. pretty soon you’ll have a serious following. thanks for taking my advice. keep up the good work.
thank you! i appreciate it.
just got hip to your blog yesterday – read every single bit. don’t know if that’s a compliment to you or a slight to me, but “irregardless” (i hate that bullshit too) i loved it! thanks!
i saw this, this morning. i don’t even know what to say. but thank you so much. “for all intensive purposes” (i reaaaaally hate that one), i’m pretty sure it’s a compliment to me, so i thank you for it.
I was at Lux this past friday night… seems those scenes you described played out throughout the club all evening. I’m not from D.C., and yes, you appear to have captured its essence.
We’ll have to talk off-blog about your “ugly bitch” theory…
lol. i’m all about the “essence” of dc. sometimes dc rubs its “essence” all over me–kind of like a dirty, bacteria-infused lotion.
So apparently I’m your blogs newest number one fan. I tweeted it and sent it to all my friends, 99% of whom are lawyers but I’m not, and we all love it.
thank you! i just got out of the world’s longest meeting, and was checking my stats, and i saw this barrage of twitter views. thank you so much. i am literally getting a tee-shirt that says, “i didn’t know anything this good could come out of norfolk.” i almost shit myself when i saw that.
ok. so after being made to feel as though i am kin to brittney griner (the center for baylor’s women’s basketball team who, by all accounts, may read at a 7th grade level) in that i elect to hear most of your blogs via text-to-speech so i don’t feel too dumb for needing to rely on context clues for 3 of every 20 words… i have decided that i may just love you. and by “love you”, i mean i would probably have your kids without any sense of reluctance. who wouldn’t be happy to know their kids could grow up to say THEE most ridiculously hilarious shit that would spawn an explicit sense of dejection in any individual remotely sensitive.
that being said, thank you for making me laugh and simultaneously making me feel like a rah-tard [(c) hangover] that i feel a subsequent need to love you.
lllllooollllll. well, okay. okay. first of all, thank you very, very much. i appreciate it. as to the matter of having my children–i suppose that is certainly a possibility. i often reflect, in my quiet moments, why, exactly, it is, that more people don’t offer to carry my children. or father them, for that matter. there is the small matter of a new generation of mes being some indicator of an ever-approaching apocalyptic end of days… at any rate, i thank you for the love, and willingness to impregnate yourself with my bastard children. it’s all about the little things……
haha. well be that as it is… my dual x chromosomes won’t allow me to actually bear your children. so i was speaking theoretically – i.e. james: damn, halle is still fine! i’d have her kids. fuck that euronigga.
Hilarious! Any chance you went to the HUSL? If not don’t tell me. I’m going to pretend you did because this blog is the business.
thanks for reading. i appreciate it! no comment on the law school, then….lol.
Hi-lar-i-ous. You are honestly so talented and need to be writing a book!! Your wings post and your letter to kevin had me ROLLIN.
You’re getting a huge following day by day so keep it up!
thank you!! glad you like it. what i *need* to be doing is working. which i’m not. cause i’m so balls deep (if you will) in this blog. thanks for reading!
I hope that this comment does not elicit any eye-rolls on your part, but I have to say that your blog is HYSTERICAL. I heard about it through a friend’s facebook post and she found it the same way. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve showed it to who also think it’s the best thing ever.
I hope you continue writing continue for a long time, but most importantly, I hope this brings you lots of fame and fortune and a lucrative book deal (seriously, I would buy that book). You really have a gift.
Take care!
thank you! no eye rolls here at all. i’d never eye roll a compliment. i’m more prone to the scrunched-eyebrow grimace, anyway. but thank you for the well-wishes. lol….all of your hopes are aligned with mine. i appreciate it, though.
your blog is awesome.
an asshole by circumstance, is the true form of real.
I.LOVE.IT!
thank you! glad you like it. “is the true form of real(asshole. real asshole).”
ok. my friend sent me the link to this blog yesterday and I am very upset for a myriad of reasons:
1) I am upset that I didn’t discover this blog sooner. “How original!” I know. But I am crying because I am laughing so hard.
2) I am upset because now that I have discovered this blog and will undoubtedly have gone through you entire collection of postings by the beginning of next week, I will then have to wait for your future posts like some regular follower… Don’t want to do that.
3) I am disgruntled (see how I switched it up there?) because I feel like I am looking at my future. In fact, and perhaps more unnervingly, I am looking at my present; only exception being I am going to law school this fall as opposed to already being a practicing attorney. Oh, and hence I do not have the disposable income to have the adventures you have ($20 for parking… saywhatnow?)
Honestly, the only written thing that has made me laugh this hard is gofugyourself.com and that’s very different. gofugyourself is more like a “haha. I would have never thought of that. That was cleverly written” type of laughter. Whereas with your blog it is more of a “Lol.lmfao. did you climb inside my head, hook my mind up to a loud speaker, amplify and broadcast my thoughts?” or an “I would have definitely thought/said that sh*t had I been ‘keeping it real’ or been in a different time,place and headspace” type of laughter.
Ultimately, I think what I am trying to say is, this is hilarious! Keep on blogging. People like me thoroughly enjoy the entertainment.
(is it obvious by the length of my comment that i am unemployed?…hope not….)
aww. thanks so much! i’m glad you like it. starting law school in the fall, huh?
you know being a lawyer is like going to law school every day for the remainder of your working life, right? like, every night you have homework. and every day you have to be some place. and you have to get there super early, and stay super late. and people yell at you, and ask you dumb questions…. also, you are constantly immmmmmmmmmmmmersed in douchebaggery…
*sigh*
it’s been a long work week, as you can probably tell.
anyway, thanks for reading the blog! I appreciate it. good luck with school.
Hi,
A friend just introduced your blog to me about 30 minutes ago and I have had a great time reading just 3 of your posts!!!
I am reading your posts from faraway Lagos, Nigeria and while our contexts are different, the similarity of human experience is all too clear to see in your posts!!
I’m surely gonna read every post and then wait for more…
Lastly, it’s not just the stuff you talk about but the style…oh surely someone must be smart enough to give you a book deal ASAP!!
Chris…thank you so much. I appreciate it. It actually seems like all of my friends are always on their way to, or returning from Lagos.
“Similarity of human experience,” huh? That’s actually kind of sad. I’d hoped for a lesser degree of ridiculousness upon crossing the Atlantic. damnit.
Hey Soror, LOVE the blog. Very witty. Keep up the great work.
Awww, thanks, Soror! Thanks for reading.
Nice meeting you this weekend, although I thought we were going to have to fight for a second (LOL, Just Kidding)! Looking forward to keeping up and interacting with you via your blog!
~Chantis
chantis!!! it was great to (finally) meet you, too. next time you’re in town we’ll see if we can pass time together without me disrespecting you…..
you were in NC and didn’t tell me? not that it matters….i’m in Mexico….but still
i print your blog out and read it at home because reading it takes up more than half of my work day, I love it. Thank you.
lol…i’m all about destroying the shit out of a workday. thanks for the read.
I liked it, and I’m white. I apologize.
I liked it, and I’m white. I apologize.
Oh, wait. I just saw you hate emoticons. I WON’T apologize. :-p
lol. i don’t *hate* emoticons…and thanks for reading….and distinguishing PALATE/PALETTE/PALLET….and, you know..for being white…
No prob. The white part is on me; I don’t even charge. On most dates anyway.
Watchyerloskankinazz. Guys wanna get MARRIED and shit. I’m a guy and *I* never understood *that* shit.
I absolutely have smiled more today because of your blog! THANKS
i’m so glad! aww…thanks for the read…I appreciate it….
I was just put on to this blog two days ago…and to say it has made my day is an understatement. You are so in my head, but more raw…and I love it! I’m currently at work in my office randomly bursting in to laughter, but I can’t stop reading. I’m sure it’s been said several times to you before, but you MUST publish a book ASAP…it just wouldn’t do your talent justice otherwise. Love the blog…please continue to make me smile and have a good laugh. Take care!
thanks, so much! i’m glad you like it. i just hope you don’t become unemployed as a result….
i like, that, btw….
i like the idea of being “raw.” LOL.
fooler, i heart you and your blog dearly! admittedly, i fell off once i moved across the country and started my firm job in september (another lawyer, yes, i know, gross) — BUT, i’ve always followed you on twitter and am right there with you on sunday nights, enjoying my chris hansen, sweat tea, and freshly baked (nonexistent) cookies! i am now going back to catch up on all the amazing posts i know i’ve missed, and just wanted to tell you how much i appreciate your internet presence in my life. keep making me laugh loudly and inappropriately at work, and reinforcing the idea that being an honest asshole is, and always will be, the best way to live life. bye girl!
i diggeth.
oooh i swear we are kinfolk. GIRL. at least skinfolk.
this blog is my life. please don’t ever go away.
You are brilliantly sarcastic and hysterical. I bet you went to Howard.
I’ve read less than 10 entries but waiting for you to discover Lulu . . .
I have to say that for the last few of hours i have been hooked by the amazing posts on this blog. Keep up the wonderful work.
Live your writing here and on twitter
When Someone said your site, Hopefully it doesnt disappoint me just as much as this. After all, It was my choice to read, on the other hand actually thought youd have something interesting to express. All I hear is a number of whining about something that you could fix should you werent too busy searching for attention.
I was directed to your blog today and I haven’t stopped laughing, and/or nodding my head in agreement since. I love your writing style, and as a 28 year old, single black female attorney living in DC, your experiences resonate with me. Thanks for being you!